Global Leadership Speaker and Premier Work-Life Balance Speaker
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Archive for July 2015

Real Success

Real success is an inner quest. It’s something you define for yourself when you get up each morning, and you either achieve it or don’t achieve it by the end of the day. The only thing you can really have is this moment — this day. You can achieve huge emotional success on any day, and every day.

Or you can live by default.

Your success in this day has nothing to do with a to-do list. What matters is how you are living this day.

Most people define their day by having to be in a certain place at a certain time to do a certain thing to achieve a certain outcome.

Instead of measuring your days by how much you get done, measure them by how well you have lived and how deep you have gone. If you define your day with challenge, hope, people, passion, maturity, growth, learning, development, spirituality, and other such things, you can achieve meaningful success every day. You’ll be happier with a personal checklist like that.

It may not make others happy because there are many people who want to hand you a set of priorities, but you get to decide why you are here. You — and only you — define your purpose.

You are in control. You don’t have to “give” this day to anyone or anything. You aren’t required to relinquish the present to anyone so they can give you some sort of prize later on, like a paycheck or a promotion. Yes, you have to show up for work and do a good job. Yes, you have other obligations in life. You have to pay bills and tend to daily living. But you have a choice in how you do those things.

You are allowed to keep your own emotional space. You can tend to your many obligations. But don’t hand over your emotional growth just because you have so many demands on your time and energy. Your life, your soul, your day is yours.

The Right Path

In this life, our challenge is to find our path and deepen our souls by traveling that path with integrity and courage. Are you on the right path? You are allowed to ask that question — in fact, you must ask it. And if your conclusion is that you are not living your truth, make some changes. Reset.

We were warned about succumbing to peer pressure when we were kids, and we either held strong or caved. But what about that same pressure as we grow older? What happens when we wake up one day and realize we are conforming to a norm that violates our own personal truth? What happens when our job or our friends or our lifestyle clashes with our conscience?

Does it feel like you have veered off course? That the life you are living isn’t honoring your values or goals? Do a gut check.

There will be times when you are going down the wrong path and you will know it is the wrong path. Be strong enough to turn around.


There is a huge difference between choosing to honor the rules and completely selling out. There is conformity that is a bad thing. And understanding the difference is a lifelong learning process. You figure out what you can live with and what you can’t. We all have times when we have to mute — or just tone down — our true self. But muting doesn’t mean trampling.

The ultimate question is this: Is it worth it to conform? If you feel like it is compromising your authentic self, it is time to check in with your gut. If you aren’t being true to yourself, it may be time for a reset.

It’s a whole lot easier to live in your skin if you make conscious decisions about how you are going to conform. Balance is key. You can conform without selling out.

Aren’t there times when conformity is comforting? Aren’t there times when it is easier to be welcomed into the fold when you know what you need to do? Do you like being in the “in group,” the “out group,” or no group at all?

Conformity becomes a problem when, in order to blend in, you are required to do it — and you don’t want to. There comes a point when you have to ask whether being accepted is worth sacrificing pieces of your true self. If that sacrifice is too painful, it’s time to start thinking about an exit plan.

When you are exhausted by the pressure to look and act and be like people that you don’t want to be like, you need to decide what you are going to do. It’s time to find an environment where you are celebrated and not minimized.

What you say to yourself…

Know Your Path

Your path is already in you. Deep down inside. Ask yourself, what is your biggest dream? What is your passion? Who do you want to BE? It takes self-awareness to know your path, and a reset can help draw it out of you.

Once you figure out your path — which is really an ongoing journey of discovery — it takes real courage to keep walking. You will encounter distractions that pull you off course and obstacles that force you to defend your dream.

If you have been blessed with a dream, embrace it. Commit to it.

There will be hard choices you have to make about your path because passions can conflict. People may judge you for the choices you make, but you are the one who defines your path. They don’t. Do what you must do.

It’s your life. Live it in all of its dimensions.

When you follow your heart, there may be moments when you wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You may see others “succeeding” wildly by doing the things you specifically chose not to do. Choosing to reset to a fulfilling life requires maturity and courage. You have to know you are right and be willing to let go of any “grass is always greener” thoughts that may spring up. Because you can’t help but feel a few doubts every now and again.

The work-obsessed person feels a pang of jealousy because his friend has flexed his work schedule to give him enough spare time to surf every day.

And the surfer dude feels a pang of envy because his too-busy-to-surf friend just scored a huge win and is going to get a huge raise and promotion.

You decided how to live your life, and if you aren’t “all in” with what you’ve created for yourself, either change what you’re doing or change your attitude.

Dive into the life you choose without guilt or regret.